


No Equinox Meeting

by KrysKrossZee



Series: Quinzee's KCAWS 30 Days of Autumn [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, POV Edward Cullen, POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26929138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrysKrossZee/pseuds/KrysKrossZee
Summary: Bella discovers the true reason why Edward was hesitant to turn her into a vampire.,
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Edward Cullen/Hermione Granger
Series: Quinzee's KCAWS 30 Days of Autumn [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953820
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19
Collections: 31 Days of Writing Challenge - Fall 2020, Cast the Dice 2020





	No Equinox Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> A triple-dip today! This hurt to write...
> 
> Prompts used:
> 
> Keep Calm And Write Something 30 Days of Autumn: Equinox
> 
> 31 Days of Writing: Major Character Death
> 
> Cast The Dice: Creature

"Why didn't you tell me?" Bella's voice cut through the haze that was starting to take over Edward.

He had a habit of zoning out when he started thinking about  _ her _ , which was that he tended to avoid the subject, but explaining that to Bella was going to be difficult and he knew it. He hadn't ever intended to broach the subject in the first place but her new abilities were continuing to grow and somehow she had managed to reverse his mind-reading. That wasn't something that he had predicted - not when he had only just managed to gain access to her thoughts. 

"Did you think I'd be mad?" Bella asked slowly as she sat down on the sofa beside him, her whole body turned to face him with one leg folded under her. Edward found himself glad that her knee was touching his, that she was able to keep him grounded in that way. "You're allowed to have had a life before I came along."

"It's not that." Edward shook his head quickly as he managed to find the words to talk. "I thought you'd be scared. I knew you had your heart set on this." He gestured towards her. She'd been a vampire for a year and a half now and he had almost forgotten why she had been so against turning her in the first place.  _ Almost _ . Always at the back of his mind was what had happened the last time that he had tried to turn someone, especially someone he loved.

"I was prepared for the risks, Edward. You know that." She said softly, reaching out to stroke his arm gently. "But that doesn't explain why you never told me that you were with someone else before me.*

Edward paused before he shook his head. He couldn't have this conversation. It had taken him nearly two decades to come to terms with Hermione's death, though it would seem that he hadn't even managed to do that. It didn't seem to matter to his mind that was now sinking back into his memories that he was now a husband and a father.

"I couldn't." He felt his voice crack. "I'm going outside for some air." He said quietly as he stood up. He knew that it was a lame excuse, especially because neither of them needed to breathe, but he just needed to put some distance between himself and Bella until his thoughts settled and stopped fixating on the love he had lost.

Bella didn't protest as he got up and walked outside of their cottage. He couldn't help but be pleased that they no longer lived under Carlisle's roof. He had no idea how he would explain this to any of his family without them all feeling sorry for him. They had all been thereafter.

* * *

_ "So what do you want for your birthday?" Edward asked as he dropped down onto a folding chair next to the bushy-haired girl who currently had her nose in a book. _

_ "I don't have time for a birthday," Hermione answered without missing a beat and without even bothering to look up. Edward had to admire her dedication to reading, but he couldn't help but want her to put the book down to have an actual conversation with him. He tried not to read her mind, but it wasn't always that easy when she wouldn't talk to him. _

_ "You don't have time?" He repeated slowly as he tilted his head slightly. "What do you mean you don't have time?" _

_ He all but heard Hermione roll her eyes and he couldn't help but be surprised when she closed her book. She was staring at him now as if he was meant to know the answer, but she'd become pretty adept at deflecting her thoughts so not even those were giving them away. _

_ "I have school and work and things." She said after a little while before she looked away from him. _

_ Edward could only frown as he watched her. Something wasn't right but he didn't know what that something was. Going into her thoughts seemed to be his only way of knowing what was going on, and he thought that maybe that was what she wanted, that maybe there was something that tries as she might, she just couldn't say. _

_ He realised as he paused, that would mean that whatever she was hiding from him was bad. He looked her over once more before he continued, searching her thoughts for the reason why she didn't have enough time. _

_ Edward hadn't known what he was expecting but what he found made him recoil and as Hermione's eyes met with his again he could see that they were brimming with tears. _

_ Cancer. Leukaemia to be exact. Edward had to ask himself how he, a vampire, had managed to miss a blood disease, how he had managed to miss the fact that she would smell different, but he couldn't spend any time obsessing over that, not when his love was silently telling him that she was dying. _

_ There was only one thing for it, in his opinion, they had to go and see Carlisle, not because he thought that his father figure could cure the girl in the traditional sense, but because he knew that Carlisle had saved him once when he had been dying himself. _

_ "I can't lose you." He whispered as he took her hands into his own. "I… I won't lose you." He didn't know how to ask her to turn for him, but that was exactly what he was proposing. Sometimes he wished that others could read his mind in return so that he could also not have to say the things that proved difficult, but he knew that it didn't work that way. "My family can help you. You can become like us." _

_ Hermione stared at him for what felt like an eternity. "I… I'd have to think about it." She said quietly, though what she'd have to think about, Edward didn't understand what there was to think about. Her choices were death or life with him, but then he supposed the life with him wouldn't have been the one that she had wanted for herself. _

* * *

Edward scratched his hands down his face. If only back then he'd realised that he'd only given her the choice between death and death. None of them, not even Carlisle, could have predicted what would happen to Hermione when the venom mixed with her blood.

The images of Hermione lying in her makeshift hospital bed would forever be burned into his brain. When Bella had been on one herself, it had brought him right back to the very moment that he had watched Hermione slip away and now it seemed that his mind was returning there.

* * *

_ Edward's eyes fixed on Hermione's face. He couldn't watch but at the same time, he couldn't seem to look away as she lay there writhing in pain. She was screaming but he couldn't seem to hear her, not that he would want to hear her in the first place. There was something about hearing the one he loved screaming that shook him to his very core. _

_ He had expected her to scream, he had expected her to be in pain. He could vaguely remember his own change when Carlisle's venom was coursing through his veins and converting every single one of his cells into something new, but he hadn't expected her to react like this. _

_ And what's more, was that she didn't appear to be changing. She did seem to be getting paler, but not as if her skin was hardening to become like his. She looked as if she was even more ill than when they had started. _

_ "Carlisle." He said simply, knowing that the man, the  _ **_doctor_ ** _ , was nearby and hoping that he would be able to shed some light on the situation. His thoughts were however not what Edward wanted to hear. _

_ 'She's dying.' _

_ "You said this would work." He didn't dare take his eyes off of Hermione as her body went still. He hadn't enjoyed seeing her thrashing about in agony, but having her not move at all was completely unsettling. He hadn't been able to hear her thoughts for a while either and that was enough for him to be sent into a near-catatonic state. He tried to fight it as he took her hand into his. _

_ She was cold, even to him which was alarming enough on its own, but her skin was also clammy. He knew, without needing to read Carlisle's mind, that she was slipping away from him. He had been listening to all this time for her to stop breathing and now he found himself willing her to keep breathing, to stay there with him just that little bit longer. _

_ Her breaths themselves were raspy and rattling, and even though Edward was pretty sure that it was just his imagination, it felt as though those breaths shook the whole room. And yet he needed them to continue. _

_ As long as she breathed, she was still there with him and he could continue to convince himself that his venom would cure her. As long as she breathed, he could continue to convince himself that Carlisle was wrong, that she would survive this. _

_ But all too soon, the breathing, her breathing stopped and Edward didn't think that he had ever felt so alone before in his life. _

* * *

"Edward?" Bella's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, pulling him back to reality and reminding him just how much time had passed since Hermione had died. He hadn't wanted to risk turning Bella in case it was his venom that had killed her, but when it had come to the choice between life without even trying to save her and one where he might have even been successful in saving her, he had chosen the latter and for some reason been rewarded. Edward had to count himself lucky that he had both her and Renesmee in his life.

"Just coming." He said quietly as he made himself stand up, though he wasn't aware of when he had even sat down, just that he had found himself on the forest floor. He looked over at Bella slowly. He supposed that she was confused, that after all these years of being together, there were things that they didn't know about each other - or at least things that she didn't know about him.

He cupped her cheek in the palm of her hand before pressing a kiss to her forehead. He wanted to apologise for the way he has acted, but he didn't think that he would be able to form words, so instead, he took her hand into his and lead her back inside where their daughter was still fast asleep and completely oblivious to her father's near breakdown.

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella tightly. At least he would never have to let either of them go, and that was something that he was more than grateful for. He got to hold her and Renesmee in his arms forever, and he would hold Hermione in his heart forever instead.


End file.
